Friday, July 29, 2011

Her Lovelys

She called them "My Lovelys" and they adored her. They made her laugh in a way that I wished I could. She hugged them until their eyes popped out...and they always embraced it. So many special moments they shared. Some that I am only recently discovering...little rituals the three of them had...when I wasn't around...when she had to get through the day until I arrived home.  The boys have been telling me their secrets...all the little things that happened...the things I knew nothing of...

My boys love their Momma...but now they can only talk about her in the past tense.

     Was Mom here for that?  
     Will we still go sledding on the big hill Mom took us to?
     Remember when Mom would hide and scare us...  
     Can you play Tickle Monster with us the way Mom did?  
     Do you know how to make Mom's Corned Beef?  
     Mom would have liked this...I wish she was here...

You see...I'm afraid they are loving her in the past tense also...and I'm worried that love isn't as strong as those secret moments only they shared...when she loved only a mother could.

In the beginning they slipped quite often and called me Mom instead of Dad.  It hurt when they said was a reminder of how much they still needed her.  It's more painful now...because they don't slip...they see us as a family of three...but that's not my view.

I pray my boys don't lose sight of what their mother was and still is...the heart of our family...the thread that tied us together...the flame that made our house explode with joy...the woman who shaped us...


  1. I think that is my biggest fear as well...

  2. Theres a song from the musical Billy Elliot called the letter- a reminder that you all will " love her forever" and she will do the same