Friday, July 27, 2012

She Told Me So

She told me so...
But she never told me why...
Now I know.

It's strange what you appreciate after it's gone.

I've finally grasped things I should have known all along...things she told me everyday...things I nonchalantly dismissed.  I finally realized just how right she was...and how clueless I had been.

I have become aware that:

  • Going to Target and spending less than a hundred dollars is indeed impossible...because we need a ton of shit...and we seem to need more of it everyday.
  • Changing the sheets on the beds once a week is a better idea than changing them based on smell or visible stains.
  • Demanding that the spoons be placed upright in the dishwasher isn't silly and dramatic...it's the only way to keep all that crud from pooling up on them and ensuring you don't have to wash them twice.
  • Being organized actually is important...it turns out making lists wasn't just something she did to fill up my free time.
  • Having my ears played with while watching a basketball game isn't so annoying...it's missed more than I ever could have imagined.
  • Sweeping the floor everyday really shouldn't be considered anal...it's actually being clean.
  • It is true that the toilets don't clean themselves.
  • Telling me "If I don't do it, it won't get done" isn't a passive aggressive threat...it's the truth.
    • Buying fresh flowers for the house isn't a waste of money...it's an extension of life.
    • Making sure Ben stops drinking liquids after 7:30 and uses the bathroom at least twice before bed isn't extreme...it's the only way to avoid a long messy morning.
    • Leaving dishes in the sink at night is harder than it sounds...now I know she wasn't exaggerating when she claimed not to be able to relax until they were done.
    • Hanging the kid's artwork from every possible surface in our home doesn't make it look cluttered...it makes it full of love.
    • Packing as much fun into everyday really does matter...because you never know how many you've got left.


    If you knew Sue...you know she would be quick with an "I told you so" when she was proven right.  In fact...as each of these light bulb moments materialized this past year...I could appreciate her smirking smile...and her playful finger waving in my face.  Even with all the frustration I must have unknowingly caused her...she loved me.  She loved me despite my daily ignorance.

    And maybe somewhere...she knows I learned a thing or two.

    You were right Sue...you told me so...






    Tuesday, July 10, 2012

    Maybe Someday

    Tonight was one of those nights.

    Maybe they were tired...

    Maybe someday I will understand what triggers their grief...

    But tonight bedtime was full of tears...


    Tonight I held and hugged them with all my might.

    Maybe they fell asleep feeling loved...

    Maybe someday my love will be enough...

    But tonight bedtime was full of tears...


    Tonight was one of those nights.

    Maybe they just needed to let it out...

    Maybe someday I won't be so angry this happened to our family...

    But tonight bedtime was full of tears...



    Friday, July 6, 2012

    Michigan

    She was everywhere today...

    In my boys faces...

    On the beach...

    By my side...


    She was missed today...

    In my memories...

    On the drive...

    By my side...


    She was here today...

    In my thoughts...

    On the horizon...

    By my side...