So it's here...February.
For almost a year...this month has held me hostage. The anticipation of it's arrival and the uncertainty of what it will bring have been circled in my mind like a date on a calendar. So many days of significance will come and go in the next twenty-nine.
Today I can't stop thinking about those two February days when we were hit by a snowstorm. Days off from work and free of commitment...just a family of four cuddled up in our home. Days like those are what make life worth living...laughs and love...kisses and hugs.
In a week's time...I will be arriving at what should be our 9th anniversary. A day that always reminded me of how lucky I was to find her love.
Within two weeks...I will face Valentine's Day. Which should be a day for proclaiming our love...but will now always be connected with our first trip to the Emergency Room. A day where we stayed up all night...her hooked up to sensors and machines...me scared out of my mind, but trying hard not to show it.
That day eventually bled into the fifteenth...and we were released...happy and content...assured and guaranteed of many more days to come.
But the next ten days will forever be measured in my mind. They each hold a memory...a special way she said goodbye...to me...then Luke...and finally Ben. It was almost like she knew...and she brought us each into her...for a final farewell.
And then it arrives...the day I said my last "I love you." A kiss on the forehead...twice on the arm...and out the door I went. Never again to see her smile...hear her laugh...or feel her love.
Thinking about you, Sean. It's unfathomable that it's been almost a year. Just want you to know we support you and are sending you peace.
ReplyDeleteLove, Bridge
My husband died unexpectedly 2/22/11. The next day would have been our 39th wedding anniversary. Then there's Valentines Day on the 14th~ Sharing your February pain. It sure doesn't feel like it's been a whole year since...that awful day that completely changed the way I feel about February~
ReplyDeletethinking of you Rita
ReplyDeleteI too have been held captive by these months. Last January was when David was admitted in severe heart failure and diagnosed with a congenital heart defect. Less than two months later he died from sudden cardiac arrest, a complication of his condition. How do you call death a complication? I can't help but relive each moment trying to wrap my brain around the reality of what actually happened . . . and the nightmare that it was. I so appreciate your words, your honesty, your transparency. It is a comfort to know that I am not alone in this journey!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you Sean! Also, you should be very proud of yourself for making it through the year and being such a great father to your boys.
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