Raspberry Iced Tea

I drink Snapple Raspberry Iced Tea...I never did before...but there are some days that I need it...just to make it through...

Susan always wanted me to try it...I never would.

She loved the stuff...drank it constantly.

Iced Tea just never seemed like my drink...it was her...not me.

After Susan died, there was a six pack of Snapple making a racket in the back of our car for weeks. She bought it for herself and I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it.

So it rattled around as a constant reminder of Susan.

At times when I get out alone to do errands...I find myself drawn to the cemetery.  I go to try and feel her...connect with her...to be with her again...just the two of us.

It's difficult...draining...sad.

She's not there.  I can't feel her in the way I'm aching to...the magical feeling of just the two of us is lost.

But...on one trip...I discovered her...through Iced Tea.

It was so simple...I could have done it so much sooner...but who would have thought?

Just twist the top off...turn it over...look at the fact printed on the inside of the cap...the way she always did.

Susan would ask the boys, "Who wants to hear my fact?"  They loved it.

So I asked the sky the same question.  Then I read it to myself.

The only food that does not spoil is honey.

Alone...it made me laugh.  It might have been one of my first laughs.

Like usual...she was right.

Susan loved honey.  But we  constantly disagreed about the freshness of her Honey Bear. She had it forever.  She always stopped me from throwing it out...there's still some left she would insist.

I smiled a bit...cried a little... got that magical moment that only we understood...and didn't feel so alone.

I thought of her and took a small sip.

She would have kept that cap...whipped it from her pocket when I arrived home from work. Her face beaming with her I gotcha smile.

As it passed my lips, I was awe struck...I tasted her kiss.  I took another sip...and another. It was as if I had just found her again...for another brief moment.

On days I feel completely alone...or think I just can't make it...I look for a sign under the cap and take a sip.  Never gulps...just  a few slow sips that bring her close to me.  It sounds silly, but raspberry iced tea can make smile...can make me feel whole for a glancing moment.

It's not the same as being with her...but it's all I have...and on certain days...it's all that will help...