Her Touch

Susan was a "toucher"...a feeler...a hanger...

She needed to be in physical contact with someone she loved at all times...
She hugged...she kissed...she grazed...she nudged...she embraced...she nuzzled...

I wasn't this way...at least not to begin with...

Susan taught me so many things, but I never realized that she also taught me to be a "toucher"...  I miss her touch.

She was my blanket...my warmth...my love...

We touched as we awoke in the morning...our feet...our legs...

Now as morning arrives, the feeling is right there...but just out of reach.  Like a word on the tip of my tongue...I strain to brush her leg as sleep wears off...but I'm always jarred awake...alone...

I touched her as I left for work...

Always on the the forhead...then the cheek as she laid in bed...then her arm as she held it out...  It was the same that Friday morning in February...  Now it's gone...that little moment that only we shared.  Every morning I'm robbed again...alone...

We touched as I arrived home...

A kiss...an embrace.  Not a simple hug, but the kind that says...I missed you so much... The one where you rub up and down each other's back...  Now I have a quick peck from the boys as they run by more worried about being outside with their friends...
They go off...I stay behind...alone...

We touched in the kitchen...

Making dinner...cleaning up...or as we cut through.  Sometimes a hug, but mostly slaps on the ass...playful and silly...and full of affection...  I walk in the kitchen now...hoping to feel her brush against me one more time.  All I feel is emptiness...alone...

We touched on the couch after the boys were off to bed...

Our bodies pressed tight to each other...with room to spare on opposite sides...  Wedged together...her hand on my ears...always the ears...I miss the ears...   It's hard to sit there now...constantly feeling her absence...alone...

We touched at night...

Goofing in the bedroom...giggling...joking...wrestling...  We fell asleep...some nights her in my arms...some nights me in hers...but always one of us held...  No arms now...just me...alone...

I feel naked...missing her touch...  My body is hyper sensitive...  Searching...looking for her hands...her arms...  But she's gone...and I'm here...alone...

I'm scared to hug anyone now...even though I desperately miss being touched.

I'm scared I won't let go...

I'm scared it won't feel right...  

I miss the contact...the love...the touch of her hand...  But most of all...I miss the love she showed with her touch...