Sunday, November 6, 2011


I've been pretty discombobulated this past week...a little crazy to say the least...not insane, but awful close to the line that separates sanity from insanity.  

With Susan's Birthday approaching and the Holidays on the way...I have found the thoughts in my head becoming progressively more distraught, disconnected, desolate and hopeless.  I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst...but I'm still very anxious about tomorrow and the months ahead. 

How does one react to the Birthday of their deceased wife, lover and best friend?  I'm not sure.  Basically I have no idea what tomorrow is going to bring in the form of emotions and pain.  And that frightens me to the bone.

It's not a great way to feel...and truthfully it's doing a number on me. I looked into the mirror again today and barely recognized myself.  I appear to be aging by the day...carrying despair in my heart and holding anguish in my eyes.  I can't help searching the reflection for the guy who loved his life and had finally made peace with himself because of his loving wife.  I'm often left wondering why this happened to my family.

And I can't help thinking about what tomorrow could have been.  


  1. Sean. I know today will be very hard for you , sending you hugs.Rita

  2. You have been on my mind all day, Sean! I pray for you to find peace.

    UGHHH! I wish you did not have to be in this place.

    You deserve so much more.

    Cheryl Foertsch