Circumstance

Strange things happen when tragedy enters your life.

You develop a moniker…a label…a title…a tag.  A new way of being looked at...categorized...and filed away.  You somehow have become a condition...a case...a plight...a circumstance.

But all you want...is to be treated like a person again.

You suddenly realize there are only a precious few who can listen.  Who can stomach looking into your face when it's filled with anguish.  Who can make it about you instead of them...even though you are both in pain.

These special few realize they have someone in their lives to help with their pain...and you no longer have anyone by your side each day.

But it still hurts that you can count on two hands...the number of people who continue to reach out even though you can't always find the strength to reach back.

Many have fallen to the side...they are no longer there...no longer present.  With some you expected this...but with most you were brutally caught off guard...blindsided by their absence or inability to communicate.

But people have trouble dealing with death...and you my friend...are death personified. A living, walking, talking symbol of...tragedy...sorrow...and pain.

Because of this...many have begun to handle you with kid gloves.

So gently...that at times...they don’t seem to be there at all.  Too fearful of saying the wrong thing...not saying enough...or of hearing what they don't want to envision you experiencing.

So instead...they leave it all unsaid.

In their heads...they've probably imagined a conversation many times...so many times...that they might actually believe they've had it.

But they haven't spoken to you in weeks.

You wish those sorrowful looks they gave in passing were enough...but they aren't.

You need to be listened to...understood...accepted...touched.

So at a time when grief exposes you at your most human...you are treated the least like a person.  Instead you have become a tragic circumstance.  Something for others to think about, worry about, and pray for...from a safe distance.

It seems hard for people to get close to you now.  Perhaps it hurts too much to digest your pain...or is too uncomfortable to remember there is a person wrapped up in that tragic circumstance.

Because of this….You go through stages where you believe others have forgotten…moved on…or lost interest.  Suddenly you view yourself as a ten day news cycle...front page news that finally faded away as others continued living.

But now as the shock has worn off...and you really need them...you're too scared to ask because they seem indifferent.  They may even be waiting for you to ask.

But instead it all goes unsaid.  And you remain a circumstance...alone…isolated…and abandoned.