Lessons Learned

When I saw his little hand rubbing his brother's...I knew this five year old understood love in a way that few others do.

Luke had a dentist appointment this week...two cavities...no fun.  I took the day off work and the three of us made our way to the dentist.  As we drove...I could sense Luke becoming increasingly tense...although he was desperately trying to hide it from his little brother.

Ben read through his brother's facade...and turned on the humor as he did his Goofy Ben thing in an attempt to ease Luke's mind.  I watched it all happen in my rear view mirror...and I knew they both got it...we are a family...and we love each other in a way no one else can understand.

As we pulled into the parking lot...Luke was laughing and seemed to have forgotten what he was scared about.  This lasted up until we left Ben in the waiting area and walked backed to the little room with all the needles and drills.  As soon as he got in that over sized chair...the tears began to gently roll down his face.  He didn't make a sound...he just let the tears come and reached out for my hand.

I held it tight...trying desperately to absorb the pain from his little body as the Novocaine shots began.  It was no use...I just wasn't enough to ease his fear...or alleviate his pain.

I have no idea how Ben did it...but without warning he appeared in the room.  He had managed to get himself back there and find his brother.  Ben looked up at me...his eyes asking if it was okay to come in...but his body didn't wait for my answer.  He simply walked in and began caressing his big brother's hand while I held tight.

Luke's body seemed to relax...so much so...that the Hygienist took her eyes off him momentarily.  She looked down and saw the little boy that had snuck into the room to help his brother.  As Ben stroked the top of Luke's hand...she looked up at me with a tear in her eye.

I have no way of knowing if that would have happened a year ago.  But I do know it's not the first time I have seen it in the last fourteen months.  They have both came to each other's side in an almost maternal way since Susan's passing.  They seem to understand something about life, love, pain and death that others don't.

We have learned something about love through death...we have learned lessons that will always keep us close...keep us tied together...and keep us caring for our family of three.